Teach your kids archery
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
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    The Scenic Flint Hills , KS
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    Default Teach your kids archery

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little bad to the bone compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sucker.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire danger. I'll put it this way- a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

    One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner... lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouthbreather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? The heck with that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH Lord, he just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a "cow lookin' at a new gate" look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. OMG!!!!! When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That sucker got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE darn IT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom.

    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both.

    I guess what I am trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.
    Last edited by Bizzybee; 04-06-2009 at 09:08 PM.
    Bullseye Bill in The Scenic Flint Hills , KS
    www.myspace.com/dukewilliam

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    141

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    Teach your kids archery for sure.. its a great sport but also teach them about the connection between explosive devices and Dad's boot

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Concord NH
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    2,664

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    Thank you, haven't laughed that hard in a while.

    Brought back memories of my youth......I got caught playing with a small pool of gas/detergent and an open flame out in the driveway one day.....hate it when parents come home unexpectedly.....
    Milk Cows Not Taxpayers

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

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    I caught my bedroom curtains on fire playing with matches and candles. My parents were in the living room, thank God. Otherwise, I probably would have burned the house down.

    Bullseye- GREAT to see you. Where ya been?
    Great joke!
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    berkshire county MA
    Posts
    1,466

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    And I thought it was bad the time we were cutting match heads off into a box on my bed to make whiskey nip bombs and the whole thing caught on fire. We opened the window and threw it out. Imagine the smell of a whole box of matchbooks going up in a 7x9 ft bedroom. When my dad came home, he was curious as to why the bedroom window was open in the middle of winter! Another time my mom walked into the backyard just as my friend lit a homemade smoke bomb. Kinda of hard for 2 kids to be standing up straight with their hands behind their backs and a big cloud of smoke rising behind them and convince mom they doing "nothin" Luckily I still have all my fingers and both eyes and never burned the house down....which reminds me of the time I cut the cord off an old lamp, bared the wires, twisted them together, then plugged it in "to see what would happen"

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Hays, Kansas, USA
    Posts
    1,077

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    [QUOTE=berkshire bee;413458...which reminds me of the time I cut the cord off an old lamp, bared the wires, twisted them together, then plugged it in "to see what would happen"[/QUOTE]


    Were you ... "grounded"?

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    The Scenic Flint Hills , KS
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonfly View Post

    Bullseye- GREAT to see you. Where ya been?
    Great joke!
    Sorry, can't tell ya,,, at least not here. Notice the edit?
    Bullseye Bill in The Scenic Flint Hills , KS
    www.myspace.com/dukewilliam

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Loganville, GA
    Posts
    2,038

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    Ohhhh what? You a 00 spy now Bill?? Ain't no secrete what got edited now is it?? Still can't find yer language filter huh? I know you got it around there somewhere
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

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