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Thread: My Purina Diet

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sacramento,California,USA
    Posts
    3,839

    Default My Purina Diet

    Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees)
    Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog
    chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line
    when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an
    elephant?
    So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that
    no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that
    I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that
    I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
    coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it
    was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load
    your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time
    you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it
    works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
    practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified,
    she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
    I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I
    thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
    so hard.
    Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
    Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
    world to think of crazy things to say.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Morris County, NJ, USA
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    That is excellent! I love your sense of humor... Gotta keep oneself entertained..people like that make it kinda easy..

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Aberdeen, Idaho
    Posts
    512

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    Ray a man of my own heart.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Redlands, CA USA
    Posts
    102

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    I cant wait to retire.
    9 months, 12 colonies, TF (so far)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Morris County, NJ, USA
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    Quote Originally Posted by jfb58 View Post
    I cant wait to retire.
    I'm thinking my retirement starts the day I am 6' under. Why wait? I am going to adopt the "retirement" sense of humor asap. Just think of all the good it did for the people in line that had a great laugh...medicine for the soul! Kudos!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Brasher Falls, NY, USA
    Posts
    28,067

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    I wish I had been there to witness that.

    "Here's yer sign."
    Mark Berninghausen
    Squeak Creek Apiaries



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,389

    Default Re: My Purina Diet

    Got to love it..thanks for sharing.
    Janne....first hives April 2013, 19 hives, treat, plant zone 8b, at sea level, latitude 49.13, longitude 123.06

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