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Thread: Hunter Jokes

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    Cheyenne, Wyoming, USA
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    Default Hunter Jokes

    There was 3 guys stranded in the mountains and they weren't going to be rescued for 3 days. So they all made a plan that each night one would get the food. So the first night the 1st guy goes out and comes back with a big deer. So the guy who was hunting tomorrow ask for advice on how to catch another one, and the guy said see tracks, follow tracks, BAM!! shot the deer... So the next night the 2nd guy went out and came back with an even bigger deer than the 1st guys, and the 3rd guy was amazed so he asked how he could catch one like that for the next night. And the guy told him see tracks, follow tracks, BAM!! shot the deer... The next night the 3rd guy went out to get a deer and comes back hours later all beat up and bloody, so the the other 2 guys ask what happen. And the guy said i seen tracks, followed tracks, BAM!! got hit by train.
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    A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
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    Two hunters are in the woods in deer season. The morning hunt over, they head back to camp together. As they make their way along the path, they hear a loud crashing noise and look up to see a very large bear charging down a hillside. Realizing simultaneously, that they are the bear's intended targets, not to mention lunch, one of the hunters immediately takes off his back pack, drops to the ground and begins to change from his hunting boots to tennis shoes. The other hunter bewildered asks "You don't really think you can out run that bear do you?" The first hunter replies, "No, but I can outrun you."
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    An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion?” asked the chief. "Forget the lion!" he howled. "Which of you let the bull loose?"
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    A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
    ... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
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    At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows, wanna go hunting?'" "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
    Last edited by westernbeekeeper; 12-19-2012 at 01:34 PM.

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