court reports
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
_________________________________
Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775.00 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." _________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
_________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_________________________________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
_________________________________
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
_________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
_________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
_________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
_________________________________
Q: You said the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
_________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
_________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
_________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to our attorney?
A: No, this is how I usually dress for work.
_________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Reply With Quote
Nice!! 
Bookmarks