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Thread: court reports

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Tijeras, New Mexico, USA
    Posts
    16

    Default court reports

    These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

    _________________________________

    Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775.00 a week."
    Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." _________________________________

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    _________________________________

    Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    _________________________________

    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
    _________________________________

    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?
    _________________________________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    _________________________________

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    _________________________________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    _________________________________

    Q: You said the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
    _________________________________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    _________________________________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or a female?
    _________________________________

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to our attorney?
    A: No, this is how I usually dress for work.
    _________________________________

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    _________________________________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default Re: court reports

    Nice!!
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Tijeras, New Mexico, USA
    Posts
    16

    Default Re: court reports

    Thanks Derek! Was inspired by your posts btw

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default Re: court reports

    Keep them coming. I get lonely in here.
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Tulsa, OK
    Posts
    3,430

    Default Re: court reports

    This is an actual question/answer from a deposition by one of partners:

    Q: When you fell, what did you slip on?

    A: Dog urine.

    Q: Where did that come from?

    A: A dog.

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