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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,031

    Default Things Rednecks Will Never Say

    I am kind of on a Recdneck humor kick right now.

    Things Rednecks Will Never Say

    -I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
    -Duct tape won't fix that.
    -Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
    -Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
    -We don't keep firearms in this house.
    -Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
    -You can't feed that to the dog.
    -I thought Graceland was tacky.
    -No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
    -Wrestling's fake.
    -Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
    -We're vegetarians.
    -Do you think my gut is too big?
    -I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
    -Honey, we don't need another dog.
    -Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
    -Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
    -Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
    -Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
    -I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
    -Checkmate.
    -Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
    -Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
    -I don't have a favorite college team.
    -Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
    -You ALL.
    -Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
    -Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Annville, Ky.
    Posts
    486

    Default Wait just a cotton picking minute.

    Just for fun.

    I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
    -Duct tape won't fix that.
    -Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
    -Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. I hate beer.
    -We don't keep firearms in this house.
    -Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?I'm bald as a tater.
    -You can't feed that to the dog.
    -I thought Graceland was tacky.
    -No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
    -Wrestling's fake. Amen
    -Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
    -We're vegetarians.
    -Do you think my gut is too big?
    -I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
    -Honey, we don't need another dog.
    -Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
    -Give me the small bag of pork rinds. Hate them dang things
    -Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
    -Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
    -I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
    -Checkmate. Won a tournament in the 80s in NYC
    -Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
    -Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. Yawn hate the show.
    -I don't have a favorite college team.
    -Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
    -You ALL.
    -Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
    -Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight. Don't drink anymore.

    __________________

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default

    That's a great list Derek!
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,031

    Default The Nature Boy

    Jim,

    Though I disagree. I will let you slide on most of that, but how dare you say Wrestling's fake!! You think this man ever faked a match. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Falconer, NY
    Posts
    206

    Wink Hey......

    Hey......

    I resemble that remark!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    columbus,ohio,USA
    Posts
    515

    Default

    wrestling like WWE is so FAKE...Now like high school wrestling....thats real

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Fresno California USA
    Posts
    2,479

    Default How????

    Did he learn to hold his lips like that?

    Is that you Derek while you still had hair???

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,031

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom G. Laury View Post
    Did he learn to hold his lips like that?

    Is that you Derek while you still had hair???
    lol. I wish my hair would have been that nice. Hair...Such a fond memory now.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Fresno California USA
    Posts
    2,479

    Default Where

    Are the Hair Police when you need them? That was a pretty insulting thing to say, no? Glad you can take it!

    For me hair was just like my vision, one day I looked down at the drain and said " What the heck is that? " But if I comb it right I still look, like, 38 or so.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,031

    Default

    I wish I could brush mine. I have to use a sham-wow and buff it.

    Try talking to a girl on the phone setting up a blind date at 23 years old. They get around to asking you what you look like. You start to go though the whole rap. Then they ask you what celebrity you most look like. I answer, you ever herd of Telly Savalas......click.....hello....helllloooo
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Fresno California USA
    Posts
    2,479

    Default Well...

    Seems you dunnaright, huh?

    Go for quality over quantity,...nowhattamean?

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Hillsboro, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    1,672

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Derek View Post
    I wish I could brush mine. I have to use a sham-wow and buff it.

    Try talking to a girl on the phone setting up a blind date at 23 years old. They get around to asking you what you look like. You start to go though the whole rap. Then they ask you what celebrity you most look like. I answer, you ever herd of Telly Savalas......click.....hello....helllloooo
    Seeing that Telly's heyday was way before the girl was born, they would just say "Telly, huh?". No one below the age of 50 know much of Telly, his big work was before 1980... . I liked him in the "Dirty Dozen" - he was a nasty character, and did a great job.


    MM

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Fresno California USA
    Posts
    2,479

    Default Well Derek

    You know he works the math to get what ever answer he wants.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,031

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom G. Laury View Post
    Seems you dunnaright, huh?

    Go for quality over quantity,...nowhattamean?
    I was wearing a hat when I met my wife. 3 days later I threw pebbles at her window and told her my redneck poem. Melted her heart. She don't care about no hair no more.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

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