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Thread: Baked Beans

  1. #1
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Baked Beans

    One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became
    apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
    All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
    "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"

    She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took
    a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
    rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned
    and went to answer the call..

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
    was worse than cooked cabbage.

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
    I went on like this for another few minutes.

    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not.

    At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
    around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
    To everything there is a season....

  2. #2
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    Mar 2008
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    Ennis, TX USA
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    Default



    That's funny!
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  3. #3
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    May 2008
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    Default

    Made me laugh out loud!!!

    Lets all sing:

    Beans beans the musical fruit!

    The more you eat the more you toot!


  4. #4
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    Mar 2008
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    Default

    While we are singing.

    Beans, Beans,
    there got for your heart,
    the more you eat, the more you fart,
    the more you fart, the better you feel,
    so lets have beans, for every meal
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  5. #5
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    Apr 2009
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    Worcester County, MA
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    Default

    An oldie but a goodie!!

    It's taken years, but DW thinks fart jokes are funny. I am such a lucky man.
    This space intentionally left blank.

  6. #6
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    Jan 2009
    Location
    Weymouth, Massachusetts
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    Default

    Do you guys remember that commercial from a couple of years ago where a young man picks up his girlfriend at her house.
    He walks her to her side of the car and opens the door for her, she gets in and passes gas, then starts waving the air furiously before he can get around his side of the and get in.
    After he gets in he turns to her and says, honey these are my parents, they flew in for a visit and I invited them to dinner tonight so they could meet you.
    She gets a look of horror on her face and turns and looks at the grim faced parents in the back seat.

  7. #7
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie View Post
    Do you guys remember that commercial from a couple of years ago where a young man picks up his girlfriend at her house.
    This one. Funny!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzWVV5zOACo
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  8. #8
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    Jan 2009
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    Weymouth, Massachusetts
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    Default

    Oh geez, I hadn't seen that one. Thats funny.
    There is another one but its the guy's parents. Its in a city like setting, they are parked in front of an apartment building I think.
    If I can find it I will post it.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2007
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    VENTURA, California, USA
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    Default Nothing could stop the forest fire.

    This is cute and funny!
    Ernie

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMwZYZmxQko&NR=1
    Ernie
    My websitehttp://bees4u.com/

  10. #10
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    Default Fart Culture

    OK Everybody knows how well they burn, right?

  11. #11
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    Default

    This must be an ole fart thread

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxfIDpset2I

    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

  12. #12
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    Hillsboro, Wisconsin, USA
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    Default

    They always cut out this part of the movie when shown on "regular" TV...


    MM

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by MapMan View Post
    They always cut out this part of the movie when shown on "regular" TV...


    MM
    Maybe the greatest movie ever. Love that part.
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  14. #14
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    Tulare County, CA USA
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom G. Laury View Post
    OK Everybody knows how well they burn, right?
    No Tom, I was unaware that they'll burn...I will gladly turn off my computer and speed up to Fresno for a demonstration though...
    How do I go about posting pictures on here?

  15. #15
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    Default Some people

    Never grow up. Bless our hearts.

  16. #16
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cow pollinater View Post
    No Tom, I was unaware that they'll burn...I will gladly turn off my computer and speed up to Fresno for a demonstration though...
    How do I go about posting pictures on here?

    Here is a how to video. Fast fw: to 1:18

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLB7OEKUmB0
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

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