What to say to an officer.
Bullseye Bill: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Bullseye Bill: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Bullseye Bill: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Bullseye Bill: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Bullseye Bill: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Bullseye Bill: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Bullseye Bill: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Bullseye Bill: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at Bullseye Bill and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! Bill steps out of his vehicle.
Bullseye Bill: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Bullseye Bill: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
Bullseye Bill opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, Sir?
Bullseye Bill: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
Bullseye Bill digs into his european carry all and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you Bill, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Bullseye Bill: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.