Bullseye walks into a local pool hall with his pet turtle in his hand
The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at Bill and asks:
"What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing In fact this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
The Barkeep laughed at this one and told Bill "Not a chance!"
"Okay then, says the Bill... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.
At the count of three Bill picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the Bar tender, and smashing into the wall.
Bill with a big grin on his face looks at the Barkeep and Declares
"I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog"