Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Loganville, GA
    Posts
    2,174

    Default Pets (and their owners)

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
    contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
    Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake
    a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
    aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
    Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
    because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry
    about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
    ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
    ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
    each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
    that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
    other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
    some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
    not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
    paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
    through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
    for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
    other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
    on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on
    your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
    'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most
    people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted
    sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak
    clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
    less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6)
    don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)
    don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest
    fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if
    they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Port Orchard, WA USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    Dear Dogs and Cats:
    I printed this out and had my dogs and cats read it. They don't get it......they want to know what your point is?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Loganville, GA
    Posts
    2,174

    Default

    Just venting I suppose Mine could care less.
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default


    Those are great!
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    berkshire county MA
    Posts
    1,474

    Default

    I can relate to the bathroom one, If our cat is out she wants in, if she's in she wants out. We don't have a bathroom exhaust fan but I run a box fan in the hallway while I'm in the shower and put an old bathroom scale in front of the door to hold it partway open. Our 16 yr old cat can actually move the scale to get out

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Ads