A distraught senior citizen phoned her

Doctor's' office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know,

"that the

Medication you prescribed has to be taken for the

rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor

told her

There was a moment of silence before the

senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then,


how serious is my condition because this

Prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."


An older gentleman was on the operating table

awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a

Renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to

speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it? "

"Don't be nervous, son; do your

best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if

something happens to me, your mother is going to come

and live with you and your wife...."


Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when

you stop lying about your age and start

Bragging about it.


The older we get, the fewer things seem

worth waiting in line for.


Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me! I want people to know "why" I

look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the

roads weren't paved.


When you are dissatisfied and would like to go

back to youth, think of Algebra.


You know you are getting old when everything

either dries up or leaks.


One of the many things no one tells you about

aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.


Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is



First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when

you forget to pull it down.


Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground

with sticks, it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.


Two old guys are pushing their carts around

Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy

says to the second guy, "Sorry about that.


looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't


attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK,

it's a

coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I

can't find her and I'm getting a little


The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can


you find her. What does she look like?" The

second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old,

tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing

short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says, "Doesn't


--- let's look for yours."



Keep your arm around my shoulder

and your hand over my mouth