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Thread: Rules!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default Rules!

    The Man Rules
    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

    Finally, the guys' side of the story.
    We always hear 'the rules' From the female side
    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!


    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one!

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched...We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    North Alabama, SW Kentucky
    Posts
    1,914

    Default

    Our church just watched the Video Series "Laugh Your Way to a Healthier Marriage." I strongly recommend it (it is not a "save your marriage" so much as an "improve your marriage" program). My wife loved some of these on this list and commented that marriage councellers could use these as so many of them are true.

    As for #1 (the first #1, at the top), I've said that for years! We're both happy if it stays up, it never gets wet, and we all know where it is. Let's face it, I'm not so likely to complain if I don't put it up in the middle of the night when I go. But she's likely to not like the results if she forgets to put it down or I forget to put it up. If we're trying to make her comfortable, put it in her hands. (My wife isn't one of these "her" types.)
    WayaCoyote

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Jenison, MI
    Posts
    1,514

    Default #1. Toilet seat up

    Yeah, in our house we have 2 females (ages 34 and 11) and 5 males (ages 33, 9,8,4,3).

    If you want to keep your tush dry PUT THE SEAT UP WHEN YOU ARE DONE!

    The problem is usually the 4 and 3 year olds (really!! ), they consider their potty a success if 60% of it made it into the toilet. Occasionally they are successful.....

    Kids have pretty much the same rules list as men do, for some reason....

    rick

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Remsen, NY, USA
    Posts
    367

    Default

    Derek,

    All seven of my employees are women. I tried to read these to them, but I was laughing so hard, tears were welling up in my eyes as I tried to read them. I don't think they appreciated them as much I did! Thanks for the gut buster! I need all the help I can get here.

    Steve

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ScadsOBees View Post
    Yeah, in our house we have 2 females (ages 34 and 11) and 5 males (ages 33, 9,8,4,3).
    Competing with the Duggar family?
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Steve10 View Post
    Derek,

    All seven of my employees are women.
    What. Do you manage Scores upper west side?
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Remsen, NY, USA
    Posts
    367

    Default

    No. Oh forgot, my two boys are off at college. That leaves two women at home (wife & daughter), three female dogs, two female horses. I'm an island! So why do I want to get all these buzzing little females?!?

    Steve

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    VENTURA, California, USA
    Posts
    3,604

    Default Up or down

    With your permission, I would like to post your list in the uni-sex toilet of a local coffee house!
    Ernie
    Ernie
    My websitehttp://bees4u.com/

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BEES4U View Post
    With your permission, I would like to post your list in the uni-sex toilet of a local coffee house!
    Ernie
    Do it!
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

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