Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Women. Argghhh!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default Women. Argghhh!

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box..

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.




    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'



    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.



    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'



    WORDS

    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

    CREATION

    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

    WHO DOES WHAT

    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee..
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .'HEBREWS'


    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Troupsburg, NY
    Posts
    4,082

    Default And Your Point Is...

    .....
    "I reject your reality, and substitute my own." Adam Savage

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by peggjam View Post
    .....
    No point, just a chuckle.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Limestone Co, Alabama
    Posts
    1,675

    Default Women, arrgggh!!!!

    Three newly wed men were bragging about how
    they had assigned their new wives household duties.

    The first man said, "I married a girl from the North and I told her it was her job to do the washing and cleaning, The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better and by the third day the dishes were washed and put away and the house was clean.

    The second man said, I married a girl from the East and I told her her job was to do the washing, clean the house and cook. The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better and by the third day the dishes and linens were washed and put away, the house was clean, and she had a hot supper waiting for me on the table.

    The third man said. I married a woman from the South and I told her it was her job to do the washing, clean the house, cook, and mow the yard. The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better, and by the third day the swelling had gone down enough that I could see out of my right eye well enough to fix myself a sandwich, and load the dish washer.
    Scrapfe---Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.--Otto von Bismarck.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrapfe View Post
    The third man said. I married a woman from the South and I told her it was her job to do the washing, clean the house, cook, and mow the yard. The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better, and by the third day the swelling had gone down enough that I could see out of my right eye well enough to fix myself a sandwich, and load the dish washer.

    I got a better laugh out of that one than the funnies I posted.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Loganville, GA
    Posts
    2,174

    Default

    Reminds me of an old friend back home many years ago. He was a good ole boy but loved to tie one on and get out of control. He was a tuff case to deal with when he got to drinkin. Would rather pick a fight that eat. He married this sweet little gal we went to school with. It took her a couple of years of whoopin to get him straightened out. But, I think that last time was the one that put him on the striaght and narrow when she beat him half to death with a ball trophy. His head was all swoll up, both eyes black, busted up mouth and at least a couple of dozen black bruises all over his front and back. Outta work a couple of days............. Don't remember ever knowing him to get drunk after that one.

    They was a match made in heaven I think. The ole boy might be dead today if it weren't for that little gal.
    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,052

    Default

    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
    Good one!!!
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,052

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrapfe View Post
    Three newly wed men were bragging about how
    they had assigned their new wives household duties.

    The first man said, "I married a girl from the North and I told her it was her job to do the washing and cleaning, The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better and by the third day the dishes were washed and put away and the house was clean.

    The second man said, I married a girl from the East and I told her her job was to do the washing, clean the house and cook. The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better and by the third day the dishes and linens were washed and put away, the house was clean, and she had a hot supper waiting for me on the table.

    The third man said. I married a woman from the South and I told her it was her job to do the washing, clean the house, cook, and mow the yard. The first day I saw no improvement, the second day was a little better, and by the third day the swelling had gone down enough that I could see out of my right eye well enough to fix myself a sandwich, and load the dish washer.
    lol. Lot of truth in the third man. Trust me on that.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Limestone Co, Alabama
    Posts
    1,675

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Derek View Post
    lol. Lot of truth in the third man...
    I always say, never make the woman what browns yo biscits mad...yew can never tell what she put in them.
    Scrapfe---Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.--Otto von Bismarck.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Greensboro, N.C.
    Posts
    5,080

    Default

    A Blond is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says
    'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

    The blond starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!!! So
    many men dying that way!'

    Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
    there is always that risk involved.'

    After a few minutes, the blond, still sobbing, says,







    'How many is a Brazilian?'

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Ads