If you haven't already received these by email, they're pretty cute.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money can throw one ****** of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies-- Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Friends don't let friends take ugly people home.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto: 'At least we're not Mississippi'
Gaseous clouds have been detected around Uranus.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Gun control: using both hands.
The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.