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Thread: Truisms

  1. #1
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    Default Truisms

    If you haven't already received these by email, they're pretty cute.


    You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

    We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?

    The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

    A fool and his money can throw one ****** of a party.

    When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

    Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

    Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.

    Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

    Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

    Time's fun when you're having flies-- Kermit the Frog

    We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

    Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

    Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

    Friends don't let friends take ugly people home.

    Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.

    Alabama state motto: 'At least we're not Mississippi'

    Gaseous clouds have been detected around Uranus.

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

    Gun control: using both hands.

    The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.

    The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
    Last edited by dragonfly; 11-24-2008 at 09:43 PM.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  2. #2
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    Default

    Good list!


    When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
    Did you add this one?
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  3. #3
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Derek View Post
    Good list!




    Did you add this one?
    I wish I could take credit for it, but no.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  4. #4
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    Smile

    The list was funny dragonfly. I liked the one about Alzheimer's. The one about artificial intelligence: Did you,... 'do that' on purpose?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldbee View Post
    The list was funny dragonfly. I liked the one about Alzheimer's. The one about artificial intelligence: Did you,... 'do that' on purpose?
    Hehe, nope- that was my natural stupidity.
    I fixed it (the typo, not the stupidity)
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  6. #6
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    Alzheimer's? Did some say Alzheimer's?

    Did you ever stop to...........

    Alzheimer's? What?

    I don't...............

    Who said Alzheimer's?

    What's your name? Who started this???

    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

  7. #7
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    Big Grin

    That's OK. It's just that "march" stood out like a lit "match", lol. If you had not enough L's or too many E's in intelligence, it would have 'gotten by' me. I notice that the R and T are close together on the keyboard.
    Last edited by Oldbee; 11-24-2008 at 10:20 PM.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldbee View Post
    the R and T are close together on the keyboard.
    Just type with the Columbus method. Discover a key and land on it.
    Scrapfe---Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.--Otto von Bismarck.

  9. #9
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    Default

    My brother in law's brother adds this one:

    "In Vegas, the more you bet, the less you lose when you win."
    “The keeping of bees is like the direction of sunbeams.” -Henry David Thoreau

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hobie View Post
    My brother in law's brother adds this one:

    "In Vegas, the more you bet, the less you lose when you win."

    That's good. Should I add it to the original?
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  11. #11
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    Default

    Here's a few more to add:


    1. A day without sunshine is like night.

    2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

    6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

    7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

    9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

    10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

    12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

    13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

    14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

    15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

    17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

    18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

    20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

    21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

    22. Just remember -- i f the w orld didn't suck, we would all fall off.

    23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

  12. #12
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    Smile

    Those are FUNNY too; and insightful. Some of them look like,....George,.. 'Carlinisms',-- Numbers 13, 14, 17, 19, 20, 22. I don't know about #8; that would contradict the 'Parrot joke', lol. Number 21---that's me. Number 17; GOOD question! lol. You get an 'A' for spelling this time! Happy Thanksgiving!
    Last edited by Oldbee; 11-28-2008 at 07:17 AM.

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