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Thread: Men - Oops

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ennis, TX USA
    Posts
    5,125

    Default Men - Oops

    My wife made me post this. She saw my blonde jokes. Thanks alot Drangonfly!


    One day my housework-challenged husband decided

    to wash his Sweat- shirt.



    Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he

    shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'



    'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'



    He yelled back, ' TEXAS TECH ! '



    And they say blondes are dumb...





    -----------------------------------------------------------



    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

    'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'



    The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'



    -------------------------------------------------------

    'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'

    Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think

    the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'



    'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.



    -------------------------------------------

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?



    A: A rumor



    -------------------------------------------

    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating

    their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good

    fairy came to them and said that because they had been

    so good that each one of them could have one wish.



    The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

    Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.



    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.....

    Whoosh...immediately he turned 90!!!



    Gotta love that fairy!



    -----------------------------------------------------------

    Dear Lord,

    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience

    for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to

    death.



    AMEN



    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q: Why do little boys whine?



    A: They are practicing to be men.



    --------------------------------------------------



    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?



    A: Trustworthy.



    ---------------------------------------------

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping

    for breath and calling your name?



    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.



    ------------------------------------------

    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?



    A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.



    -------------------------------------------

    Q: How do your keep your husband from reading your e-mail?



    A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Eagle Creek, Oregon
    Posts
    289

    Default

    Tell your wife this would have gotten more responses on an Ironing or Dishwashing forum...and then duck!

    George

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    College Station, Texas
    Posts
    6,973

    Default

    thanks for the giggle derek...

    you write...
    He yelled back, ' TEXAS TECH ! '

    tecumseh:
    in texas this would have worked better as an aggie joke. ps.... aggies come in two flavors 1) those that do like aggie joke and 2) those that definitely do not.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    VENTURA, California, USA
    Posts
    3,604

    Default The Wife

    Good morning Bee Boys.
    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

    After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

    "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

    "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

    "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

    On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

    "He said you're going to die," she replied.
    Ernie
    Ernie
    My websitehttp://bees4u.com/

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    parker county, tx
    Posts
    7,923

    Default

    Oh Derek, those are absolutely wonderful. Tell your wife thanks, and I say thanks to you too.
    So many weeds.......so little time.

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