#1
·
Feb 20, 2007
1. The chances of fair weather are inversely proportional to the need for hive inspection.
#2
·
Feb 20, 2007
2. The madder the bees are the lower the chances the smoker will stay lit.
#3
·
Feb 20, 2007
The number of bees leaking out from under the net is directly parallel to the people walking aimlessly around the truck stop.
#4
·
Feb 21, 2007
Working more than two hives in an apiary without misplacing one's hive tool is impossible.
#5
·
Feb 21, 2007
You will always need one more super than you have on the truck.
If a swarm has a choice between a high branch and a low one, they will always choose the high one.
#6
·
Feb 21, 2007
If there is more than one person near the hives it will still be me that gets stung!
#7
·
Feb 21, 2007
If the extracting equipment is going to break it waits til you have a crew of three on the payroll to do so.
Sheri
[ February 20, 2007, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: JohnK and Sheri ]
#8
·
Feb 21, 2007
If you take extra boxes for swarms with you to the outyards you don't find any, but if you don't have an extra box you find two.
Sheri
#9
·
Feb 21, 2007
The quick inspection with a light veil means you will drop a crowded frame or super.
#10
·
Feb 21, 2007
The seriousness of the breakdown of any piece of equipment is in direct relation to how badly it is needed.
#11
·
Feb 21, 2007
Bees will never fill the supers that are left in the barn.
#12
·
Feb 21, 2007
All equipment will be damaged in direct
proportion to the equation V * S * I
where:
V = Value
S = Scarcity
I = Importance to a mission-critical task.
#13
·
Feb 21, 2007
The stack of honey supers due to go on the truck for outyards will attract a huge swarm exactly 15 mintues before they are to be put on the truck
#14
·
Feb 21, 2007
The probability of any specific type of weather
is in inverse ratio to its desirability for
the beekeeping tasks scheduled.
#16
·
Feb 21, 2007
In situations that force the bees to choose
between several alternative courses of action,
the bees will consistently choose the worst
one possible.
#17
·
Feb 21, 2007
The queen is easily spotted unless you are looking for her.
#18
·
Feb 21, 2007
The scheduling of any important event where
photographs will be taken creates stress that
causes one's body to over-react to the next
facial sting (which happens the day before
the event).
The result is consistent photo album entries that
make people think that you are somehow related to
"The Elephant Man". Years after you are dead and
gone, you will be known as the "disfigured guy".
#19
·
Feb 21, 2007
Negative expectations about a split yield negative results.
Positive expectations about a split yield negative results.
#20
·
Feb 21, 2007
No matter how you lay out a yard, you will
consistently move hives and supers uphill,
through mud.
#21
·
Feb 21, 2007
Vehicles only break down when fully loaded with
hives, at 4am, and out of cell-phone range.
When towed to the shop, they run perfectly.
#22
·
Feb 21, 2007
A Special Postulate for the online beekeeper:
Everyone's wrong; but it doesn't matter since
nobody really listens to anyone else.
#23
·
Feb 21, 2007
All orchards become swamps in spring,
even those on steep slopes.
#24
·
Feb 21, 2007
You know youre a Beekeeper if you avoid mowing the lawn because the Dandelions are in bloom.
#25
·
Feb 21, 2007
Two beekeepers in a bar are twice as good as one in the yard.
#26
·
Feb 21, 2007
That little voice in your head saying "This might be a bad idea" is on to something.
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