How to deal with telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems
to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . ." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

4. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Judy, how have you
BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

5. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends . . . would you be my friend?"

7. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or human blood - chicken blood too?"

8. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them for their name, birth date, and SS#. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

9. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics."
You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Yeah! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)

;) :D

respond to the tellemarketer i need some information, keep saying this sounds ok but i have a couple of questions. use a fake name and address. tell them you can not remember your zip code have them hold while you look for your spouse ,she knows about zip codes. ask to speak to a supervissor tell him the agent seems confused get assurance that you are dealing with " one of our best agents who will take the time needed to get this straihtened out". go thru it again.[ the trick here is to give them the exact same garbage information over and over a gain].about this point good news the mail lady is comeing up the road maybe she knows the zip code i'll write it down when i get a pencil. i could not find a pen or pencil so i used a crayon. now the fun starts because the zip code is for washington state the addreess is in wisconsin and the caller i.d. says new york state. keep in mind that the supervisor said take all the time you need. be sure you keep it going until they get to what is your credit card or social securiy number, they can check those fast. a few times put the caller on hold because of another call comeing in, but only after the supervisor talk', while on hold i ran the drill press makeing hive parts, drilling screw pilots in supers a normally boreing task, but not that day. one time on hold was 17 minutes for zip: code /mail lady.....true story.. 53 minutes one of my best. the tellemarketeers shift may ended..

Tell them that you need to forward your call to the person responsible for making that decision and if you have a small child in the house just hand the phone to them. 2 to 3 years old is about the perfect age.

Well done, MathesonEquip! I just had to laugh. ;)

Have you ever done that before, Jim? What was the resulting consequence?

Thanks guys!

Funny!!! :applause:

When they are really chatty and I can't get a word in to mess with them, I just set the phone down and come back later to find them gone. Wonder how long they kept talking??? LOL

it occured to me this afternoon that i was makeing "wabbit holes" while i was entertaining the telemarketer.

If it is some type of telephone business wanting to upgrade your plan or change your service reply to them by saying, "I'm sorry but I don't own a phone." Trust me. You will get a drawn out moment of silence before they, seemingly confused, ask you, "You don't have a phone?" Answer them with a "nope" and you will confuse them into hanging up. It's worked for me several times.:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Blessed Farms

If it is some type of telephone business wanting to upgrade your plan or change your service reply to them by saying, "I'm sorry but I don't own a phone." Trust me. You will get a drawn out moment of silence before they, seemingly confused, ask you, "You don't have a phone?" Answer them with a "nope" and you will confuse them into hanging up. It's worked for me several times.:D

---

This is the coolest reply!!!!

Ebaum's website has some great sound boards to use on telemarketers, just keep the lap top handy, tell the telemarketer to hold on a sec while you get someone else and let it rip!! Good clean fun!!

During the elections I keep the apposing sides callers on the phone as long as I can. This way they cant call anyone who they could sway. :)

All very funny BUT has any of you been on the other side of the line?
Being a telemarketer is about the botton of the line. It is a boring job, it is generally a " for commission" based occupation. A high percentage of telemarketers are migrants.
Few people like them but let's be kind to them. I generally just tell them " Sorry, not interested, thanks" and hang up.

If #6 happens, you are having a flashback. When was the last time you got a call from MCI and they didn't call themselves Verizon?

deknow

I like the part about asking them to spell their names. Not many from Bangledesh can do that in English. Or from Chicago either.

I have this wonderful anti telemarketer program, it is called Dial Up Internet. Not many make it thru there. I also use an adblocker on Firefox to keep them from using up my bandwidth, if you can call dialup bandwidth.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jdmidwest

if you can call dialup bandwidth.

---

ROFL I connect at 26.4 kbs. I never have thought to use bandwidth and dialup in the same sentence. Bravo! :applause:

What upsets me is when they get someone who is impaired answering the phone who is vulnerable to being ripped off!! :no:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Slow Modem

ROFL I connect at 26.4 kbs. I never have thought to use bandwidth and dialup in the same sentence. Bravo! :applause:

---

I started out years ago on bulletin boards with a 2400 baud Hayes modem and a 286 computer. I did have satellite a few years ago, Skyway, then they went bankrupt. I have been busted down to dialup till something new and improved comes along. Just outside of good cell phone, too low for local microwave, and hate the current satellite providers.

I connect at 40k after alot of bitching to my phone provider to clean up their lines. I run Firefox with 3 tabs loading at most times, switching back and forth, ad block and flash block running on Firefox to cut out un-needed stuff. A firewall blocks other stuff to keep my surfing tuned to what I want.

It does have its limitations. Most of my download intensive stuff is done at work and sideloaded into my computer by a usb stick. Updates, and other major downloads come from my nice 10gb connection at work. It works. But sometimes I have to run to town on the weekend and eat at McDonalds to get some tech stuff. They have free wifi.