Tincture of Lazy

[xC0000005]

My wife is a cat lover, I’m sorry to say, but she also loves a man who keeps bees, so I have to forgive her. Her cat, on the other hand, I owe nothing. A long haired black cat of the particularly worthless variety, it is given to laying in the sun all day until it’s hot to the touch. Never earned its keep ever, ran from the last mouse to get onto the deck. It is laziness given flesh and fur.

“You’ve got to see the cat,” said my wife, as I walked in the door. With a statement like that the cat should have been dealing cards, riding a bike, or serving dinner. The cat was lying on its side in the sun, hardly an original action for a cat.

“She’s been laying there all day. Isn’t she cute?” That wasn’t really a question. At least, it wasn’t a question that my wife would appreciate the answer to.

“Bees produce honey,” I said, “Bees gather pollen. Bees gather propolis. You know what cats produce? Hair.”

“Cats produce love,” said my wife, proving that she is hopeless.

“I’ve never had someone approach me and ask if I sold pure cat hair. You never see articles on the nutritional value of cat hair. No one willingly eats cat hair with their breakfast, and cat hair doesn’t sell for $14 a pound, or else I’d have a new truck.”

“I just love how calm she is. Isabella ran right by her and she didn’t even move.”

I took a closer look…and sighed. I went over to my youngest daughter.

“Sweetheart, did you have a popsicle?”

“It tasted purple!”

To my oldest I asked,

“Did you clear off the table?”

“This morning. Your stuff is outside.”

“Well, that explains why she hasn’t moved all day.”

“She’s laying on my propolis trap.”

I went out and petted the cat. It purred but didn’t get up.
Like I said, lazy.

[melodywise]

Bwahahaha, that was simply great. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Eaglerock]

I kinda feel that about horses...although I had many. I think cows would be worth more than a horse. Dogs and cats... dogs want to serve you...cat's want you to serve them. Having a wife vs. having a girlfriend.... I will stop there.

[BenC]

“Bees produce honey,” I said, “Bees gather pollen. Bees gather propolis. You know what cats produce? Hair.”



Yeah, not much meat on a cat

[Hobie]

You are all missing the point. The cat is obviously a solar cat, and, being black, a top of the line one as well. Yours went outside, which makes him a Active Solar cat. He will absorb the sun's heat, and come in at night and re-radiate it out, thereby reducing your heating bills. The Passive Solar cat works similarly, but just curls up in a sunny window.

[xC0000005]

I told my wife the same thing - that the cat soaked up evil and then radiated it back into the house. Those times when the wife was looking everywhere but could not find it, the cat wasn't missing. It was in hell. Soaking up evil straight from its master. It then teleported back into the house just in time to appear on the stairs or under the kitchen table, a satisified purr being the only evidence that it was completely recharged.

Propolis traps DO come clean, and it's back on the hive. It may be my imagination but the cat seems quite pleased at this turn of events, much like the time it laid on the dinner bench all night after we applied the stain. Hair loss to the cat: Minimal. Time lost to sanding and refinishing: Lots. Evil, I tell you.

[wpmulligan]

I love cats, but I can never finish a whole one by myself.

[Southern Bee]

Solar Cat....I like that :) We have a solar dog!

" the cat soaked up evil and then radiated it back into the house" LOL
I had a cat like that.
I loved her to death but she was definitely Evil!
If you rebuffed her not so gentle attention, that is didnt give her the adoration she felt she deserved, she would sit next to you or under your chair and PASS GAS.
For such a little creature she could produce a elephant (or skunk) sized stink.
As soon as you reacted to her 'perfume' she would start purring like a motorcycle and if you looked close enough you could see the evil smile on her face! :D

[phil c]

I Love cats...




sliced thin and sauted with a little butter and garlic!

[Chef Isaac]

That is sooooo funny. My wife and I go rounds and round about the cats and bees. She whines that I never clean the cat litter. I tell her that is because she never feeds the bees.

It is ok to buy food for the fats with our money but sugar for the bees..... have to come out of the money that the bees produce. That is a whole nother argument.

[dragonfly]

I told my wife the same thing - that the cat soaked up evil and then radiated it back into the house. Those times when the wife was looking everywhere but could not find it, the cat wasn't missing. It was in hell. Soaking up evil straight from its master. It then teleported back into the house just in time to appear on the stairs or under the kitchen table, a satisified purr being the only evidence that it was completely recharged.



I'm laughing so hard my face and sides hurt.:D Thanks so much for the humor. I love cats and I love dogs. Cats for their independence and aloofness, dogs for their undying loyalty. One of my cats (I have two) actually meows at me when she sees me just like a dog would bark to say "hi, good to see ya'";)

[Hobie]

There is a book out there... alleged to be "fiction"... that claims cats are aliens from another planet sent to watch us for some unknown purpose. That's why they just sit and stare at you. When they vanish, they are reporting to their superiors. Some, like my cat, did not do accurate research on cat behavior and do odd things like eat broccoli.

[berkshire bee]

we had a cat that would want me to get up around 5 am and feed him. He jump on the bed and walk up my side. I'd pretend to still be asleep. He'd head butt me..... Still kept my eyes closed..... He'd pull the covers off my face. When that didn't work he jumped off the bed and onto the dresser. I'd crack an eyelid just enough to see him. He would slowly push something off the dresser with one paw. When it hit the floor, he'd look over to see if I woke up. If not, he'd find something else to knock off, and continue doing it until I got up to feed him

[Hobie]

My mother-in-law had a cat that hated being left home when she and her husband went out. When they returned, they had to step carefully, because the cat would take all her jewelry off the dresser and pile it up by the door. "You want to leave? Well, then, just take your things and get out!"